Anyway...
I wanted to share with you the eulogy that I wrote for my mom. For those of you who were there and heard my brothers eulogy - you will notice a common theme... Jokes and laughter, card playing and the love of family....
In many ways - I wish for a "Do Over" to be able to have more moments with my mom. But I know I did what I could... in many ways I did what was nearly impossible. I know I was there for her in the days she needed me the most and I know that she would be proud of the memorial service which we had for her in PA as well as the get together of cousins back in her small home town in IL prior to her internment (which was the hardest thing I have ever faced in my entire life).
Maybe in my final goodbye to my mother - I was able to articulate into words that made sense... just some of the wonderful things about my mom and how I saw her. If not, know this... although we had our moments (and who doesn't) and she could be as stubborn as a mule... (gee where do I get it from) I loved her with all my heart. I respected her more in my later years as I found myself maturing... sharing with her in life's everyday adventures or pleasures. Those were the things that made her smile... "How was you lunch Alisen? What did you have? What are you making for dinner?" (She loved food... lol)
Maybe I was meant to go through this tragedy for others to publicly witness so that they could draw upon my strength to gain wisdom or hope for themselves... who knows.
Anyway - these are my words - no matter how difficult life is with family... no matter how many petty bullshit differences you may have of the he said she said crap in your life... no matter what dysfunctional "issues" you face... say your peace. Grow up and move on. Life as we all know it to be... really is short and a LOT can happen in even a short year. This time last year? I was helping my mom unpack in her new home. Now, I have to face going back to DE to pack THAT place back up and put her things in storage and sell the house.
Here is the Eulogy.
We wanted to thank you all for being here in support of our family as we celebrate the life of our mother Pam.
The life of party, wasn’t she? There truly wasn’t a day that I can remember her not smiling or joking about something. Always trying to see and experience the lighter side of life. It didn’t matter if it was family night playing Yahtzee, Monopoly or a game of hearts and she caught someone cheating…. Or if it was just prior to settling on the sale of a house and finding out the termite inspection came back bad… Pam always had that signature smile on her face. The one that welcomes you, embraces you and makes you feel invited… makes you feel like you have been a life long friend. For many of you here today that truly was the case… You have been lifelong friends or associates of our mother. One thing is for sure, we will all miss that smile.
When asked about my mother’s life, I can sit back and honestly say that much of the reason she always had the smile on her face was because she was comfortable in her own skin. A phrase I heard my mother use on many occasions. It didn’t matter where she was, what she was doing, who she was with or what she was wearing… she knew that she was always putting her best foot forward without having to try to be something she wasn’t. She was very accepting of others and learned just as much as she taught. She had a sharp, quick witted sense of humor even up til her last few days. The Friday prior to her passing she and I were discussing arrangements she wanted for her funeral and in that oh so familiar Pam tone she made the comment of, “Nothing like a woman to plan a party”. That was her humor which you either liked or you didn’t. But she was comfortable with it and it was a big part of her.
The measurements of a successful life are broken down into a few small components. Love with all your heart, Laugh as much as you can and be honest with those around you. My mom lived by all of these.
She had the strongest and most giving heart of anyone I have ever known. Her compassion and generosity allowed her to do for others what she could without being asked. She was a caring friend who was an excellent ear or a concerned neighbor who voiced her opinion when asked for advice. Bottom line, she was there for you when you called upon her.
I believe that all of the aforementioned were the main reasons she felt so at home at the Devon Horse Show. She was surrounded by similar people who had the same values. Besides her children, her life at Devon was by far one of the most cherished and beloved accomplishments in her life. Every year, for three decades, there was an electric energy in our home around that magical Devon Week. She loved volunteering on the grounds knowing and taking pride in the fact that she was helping her community. It was the happiest I ever saw her.
Pam wouldn’t be Pam if we didn’t mention her tenacity, aggression and straightforwardness. She saw something she wanted and she made up her mind that she would do what it took to obtain it. Weather it was a tangible item she was after or a goal she set up for herself… she worked hard to get it. Growing up I witnessed this at her years at Devon , within her successful real estate career and most recently facing cancer… twice. As with any difficult situation that comes knocking at our door – we can choose to either ignore the knocking or open the door. When you open the door, you give yourself the chance to fight. Mom chose to fight. She always did. She fought for her children, she fought for her successes, she fought for life.
As we enter into Autumn and we see the leaves changing from green to all those vibrant shades of orange, red and yellow… I remind myself that as with life, seasons change. You can hold onto the past season and remember it fondly for the days it gave you… the warm embrace of a fire as it snows outside, the bright wonderful rays of sunshine on your face, and the life renewed each spring.
As we remember my mother and think about her life, today and every day thereafter… I will choose to open the door… I will walk outside, take a deep breath and relish the vibrant colors in front of me…
